Today’s wedding planning industry has a funny way of convincing us that every decision is equally important and that you must somehow have it all.

The flowers.

The seating chart.

The signature cocktails.

The linen colors.

The perfect shoes.

And listen, I love those things. They can absolutely embellish what we photograph and add beauty and personality to your day. It’s just that as a documentary wedding photographer, I’m here to remind you of something:

Those things are not the reason you’re getting married.

I’ve photographed hundreds of weddings, and before booking any of them, I have a heart-to-heart with each couple. I ask them some version of this question:

“Your wedding day sounds like it’s going to be incredible. But what I really want to know is…when, exactly, are the two of you going to be together? Just the two of you?”

Because I believe that’s the entire point. You aren’t getting married because you want one beautiful day. You’re getting married because you want a lifetime of togetherness that can only be built through the act of choosing each other again and again. Protecting that togetherness is a practice. And what better day to start than your wedding day?

Bride and groom share a kiss in the midst of wedding day chaos at Allenbrooke Farms in Tennessee.

Togetherness is surprisingly easy to lose.

A wedding day is a beautiful kind of chaos (I mean, see the above photo taken at Allenbrooke Farms). Sometimes it’s a nonstop blur of your favorite faces rushing around you. The smell of hairspray and perfume. The sound of laughter coming from another room. The colors of your wedding party moving in and out of view.

Your attention is needed here, and if not here, then there.

Photos.

Toasts.

Family.

Guests arriving.

A schedule that somehow went from “a loose plan” to a full-blown military operation. In fact, if your attention were a pie, it would have been sliced into twelve pieces and handed out to twelve different people, moments, and responsibilities.

So how do we create intentional wedding days? How do we make sure the day doesn’t simply happen to you, but instead happens with you? How do we create space for the moments you’ll actually remember?

Your wedding day isn’t one long memory. It’s hundreds of tiny ones.

And making room for those tiny memories is where I want to hover.

When you have the option to lean toward each other… Do that.

Can you hold hands while talking to guests?

Can you eat dinner together instead of spending the entire meal being pulled in opposite directions?

Can you dance with or near each other?

Can you take ten quiet minutes after your ceremony to breathe in the fact that you just made the biggest promise of your life?

Can you greet your guests together?

Can you start the day with private vows?

Breakfast together?

A first look?

A first touch?

A quiet prayer while still hidden from each other?

Can you end the night with a private dance?

Tiny things.

Small moments.

Huge impact.

Bride in white receives a hug from a groomsmen on her wedding day.

A bride and her mother in law share a fun moment together while getting ready before the wedding.

Togetherness doesn’t happen accidentally.

Here’s the twist: it isn’t about luck, it’s about planning. Togetherness is protected through the decisions you make before your wedding day ever arrives.

That’s why intentional timelines matter.

That’s why choosing vendors who understand your priorities matters.

That’s why saying no matters.

That’s why creating a wedding day that feels like you matters.

The goal isn’t to create the perfect event, the goal is to create space for the experience you actually want to have together.

Groom and his groomsmen play together during their photo session on his wedding day in Tennessee.

A bridal party walks forward together in a black and white photo.

Twenty years from now…

You probably won’t remember every centerpiece. You won’t remember the exact time dinner started. I doubt you’ll remember whether cocktail hour lasted sixty minutes or seventy-five.

But you will remember looking into each other’s eyes and seeing your future there. You’ll remember your partner’s eyes filling with tears while you shared your vows. You’ll remember holding on a little longer and hugging a little tighter than usual. You’ll remember the feeling of being surrounded by the people who helped make you who you are.

That’s togetherness.

That’s what you’re celebrating.

And that’s what I’m photographing.