I’ve photographed hundreds of weddings, and somewhere along the way I realized something: a wedding isn’t actually held together by timelines, florals, photographers, or planners.
It’s held together by people.
The same people who zip your dress with shaking hands, the friend who notices you’re overwhelmed before anyone else does, your sweet dad–a fish out of water in his emotions–trying very hard not to cry, your college roommate who knows exactly what to whisper before you walk down the aisle, your grandmother who has been waiting for this day almost as long as you have.
Those people aren’t just attending your wedding.
They’re helping carry it.
As photographers, it’s easy to accidentally treat everyone except the couple as supporting characters but the longer I engage in the art of capturing a wedding day visually the less I think that’s true. In fact, I usually ask for names and photos of your MVP’s prior to a wedding day so that I know who they are before we ever meet.
Why?
Every person standing beside you has spent years shaping the people who are standing at the metaphorical altar. Your wedding isn’t just the story of two people getting married—it’s the story of an entire community arriving at this moment together. It’s because of that, that I also started sending a letter before every wedding. Not because I need everyone to know how photography works, but because I want the people you love most to know something much more important:
They don’t have to perform.
They don’t have to smile at my camera every time they see it.
They don’t have to wonder where to stand or how to act or what to do with their hands.
They simply have permission to love you the way they always have.
Documentary photography only works when people forget they’re being photographed and that’s where the photographs you’ll treasure for the rest of your life are born.
So if you’re reading this because someone you love is getting married, this letter is for you.
To the People Closest to This Day
Hi, I’m Haley, the photographer.
Before we all share space on the wedding day, I wanted to say hello and give you a little context for how I work.
You are the VIPs of this day—the support system, the witnesses, the people who know and love them best.
My role is to document what’s real as it unfolds, not to stage or manufacture moments. You don’t need to perform, pose, or be “on” for the camera. You have full permission to be exactly who you are—especially if there’s a camera around.
What matters most is connection.
So to that end, be present with each other. Show up for the couple in the ways only you can: laugh, cry, check in, hold space, celebrate too loudly, listen carefully.
That’s where the meaning lives, and that’s what I’m paying attention to.
For most of the day, I’ll stay out of the way and let things unfold naturally but there will be a few moments—family portraits, wedding party photos, and time with the couple—when I’ll step into a more direct role to guide everyone efficiently and then get you right back to celebrating.
My hope is that by the time the wedding arrives, I feel like part of the rhythm of the day—not a distraction from it.
Thank you for being exactly who you are for the people you love.
I can’t wait to witness it.
Warmly,
Haley
One of my greatest hopes as a photographer is that years from now, these photographs won’t simply remind you what everyone looked like.
They’ll remind you how deeply everyone loved each other.
And I can’t think of a more meaningful thing to preserve than that.
Looking to infuse more meaning into your weding day?
Why Your Wedding Shouldn’t Revolve Around Your Photos
Why You Don’t Need to Pose on Your Wedding Day
What I’ve Noticed About Couples Who Deeply Enjoyed Their Wedding Day
How to Prioritize Togetherness on Your Wedding Day
How to Create a Wedding Timeline That Actually Lets You Experience Your Wedding Day
